It started simply enough on May 18, 2006 with Washington playing the Chicago Cubs in Wrigley Field. "…On to the ninth. Chad Cordero, duck billed brim shading his eyes…If Chad Cordero is sweating you can’t see his brow," I wrote at the time. No one seemed to notice or pay attention to the description.
Two days later against Baltimore, "Chad Cordero pulls out the home red Nationals cap with razor sharp brim and curly white “W” and heads out to pitch the ninth." Still no response from the frequent commenters. The next day Cordero was on for another save opportunity with, "…his new red DC logo cap and the brim is as flat as the day it emerged from the hat factory." That’s when it started.
Frequent commenter StanL. responded, "A brim as flat as a pizza box at a frat party, as flat as the plot line in DaVinci Code, as flat as two day old soda, as flat as the inner soles of Hulk Hogan, as flat as W’s approval rating." Now it was catching on. A full-fledged Ron and Fez comedy pyramid was being erected…
The next save opportunity came in Houston. I wrote, "Chad Cordero with a brim flatter than New York Times columnist Thomas L. Friedman claims the world has become in the global economy." StanL. stepped up to the challenge again, "How about a brim flatter than your backside from sitting in front of that durn screen hours at a time?"
One night later, Cordero’s on the mound again, "Chad Cordero has “Chief” scrawled in black permanent on the bottom of his hat lid, which is as flat as the crowd’s reception to Stephen Colbert’s comedy at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner." "Gotta love the Cordero hat series, keep it up," our Belgian friend Fabian wrote. StanL. chimed in again, "Your ‘…flat as…’ analogies are just too hoity-toity for the baseball crowd. Try, ‘…as flat as the tires on a 1970 Ford Probe that’s been left unlocked in the city…’…as flat as a "Gringo Pete’s burrito’s(ed.note.-Brand Name)…’ ‘…as flat as Halle Berry’s stomach in that X costume.’" Then Haken, one of the oldest DC Daily readers joined in, "Oooh, Oooh, I got one! How ’bout: ‘As flat as a pancake withoot vanilla extract…or ‘as flat as a leftover Star Tavern pie.’"
We’d started building. The pyramid just kept growing…
"Brim of his cap flat as the blade of the Li Mu Bai’s "Green Destiny" sword, which was forged, ‘before the Chin era, engraved with a technique lost by the time of the Han Dynasty.’" -Edward
"Flat as a cartoon character’s face after taking a frying pan to the mug," -Edward
"Flat as the bottom of whale poop," -StanL.(ed.note-Go ahead Google it!)
"Flat as Jack Ruby’s pulse," -Haken
"Flat at the ratings ABC got for Twin Peaks in the season after forcing David Lynch to reveal the identity of Laura Palmer’s killer." -Edward
"As flat as the soda Grandma’s been saving in the fridge for a year because she thinks it’s your favorite, " -Edward
"As flat as Anna Nicole Smith’s, er, wrong blog, sorry," StanL.
"The brim is flat as the soda I bought in the sixth inning and have had sitting in the sun for two hours since," -Edward
"Brim as flat as the pride of less well-known climatologists whose work will win Al Gore an Oscar,"-Edward
"Flat as the reception the DC faithful bestowed on the Giants left fielder, " -Edward
"Flat as the sound of a man with fallen arches running barefoot along a paved street, "-Edward
"Brim flat as I am happy that soriANO! stayed," -Edward
"Flat as the hydrocarbon lakes Cassini found on Titan," -Edward
"Flat as a Venutian burrito," -Scout
"Flat as the line on a graph showing average yearly San Diego temperatures," -Edward
"Flat as the hopes of all Joe Lieberman’s supporters after a one-issue candidate sent him spiraling from the Democratic party with a Democratic primary vote win…" -Edward
"Flat as the long swath of country meadow grass in the outfield of the Gray’s old home at Forbes Field, Pittsburgh, PA…" -Edward
"As flat as, “A penny left on the train tracks,”-Scout
Thanks to Chad Cordero’s brim for the inspiration. That’s the top of the pyramid. Thanks for reading.
Nationals still 54-73.