8/24/06 Chad Cordero’s Brim Is As Flat As…or Just Like Bart Simpson Writing On the Chalkboard.”


CorderoIt started simply enough on May 18, 2006 with Washington playing the Chicago Cubs in Wrigley Field. "…On to the ninth. Chad Cordero, duck billed brim shading his eyes…If Chad Cordero is sweating you can’t see his brow," I wrote at the time. No one seemed to notice or pay attention to the description. Cordero2_13

     Two days later against Baltimore, "Chad Cordero pulls out the home red Nationals cap with razor sharp brim and curly white “W” and heads out to pitch the ninth." Still no response from the frequent commenters. The next day Cordero was on for another save opportunity with, "…his new red DC logo cap and the brim is as flat as the day it emerged from the hat factory." That’s when it started.Cordero8_4

    Frequent commenter StanL. responded, "A brim as flat as a pizza box at a frat party, as flat as the plot line in DaVinci Code, as flat as two day old soda, as flat as the inner soles of Hulk Hogan, as flat as W’s approval rating." Now it was catching on. A full-fledged Ron and Fez comedy pyramid was being erected…Ron_and_fez

     The next save opportunity came in Houston. I wrote, "Chad Cordero with a brim flatter than New York Times columnist Thomas L. Friedman claims the world has become in the global economy." StanL. stepped up to the challenge again, "How about a brim flatter than your backside from sitting in front of that durn screen hours at a time?"Cordero11_18
     One night later, Cordero’s on the mound again, "Chad Cordero has “Chief” scrawled in black permanent on the bottom of his hat lid, which is as flat as the crowd’s reception to Stephen Colbert’s comedy at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner." "Gotta love the Cordero hat series, keep it up," our Belgian friend Fabian wrote. StanL. chimed in again, "Your ‘…flat as…’ analogies are just too hoity-toity for the baseball crowd. Try, ‘…as flat as the tires on a 1970 Ford Probe that’s been left unlocked in the city…’…as flat as a "Gringo Pete’s burrito’s(ed.note.-Brand Name)…’ ‘…as flat as Halle Berry’s stomach in that X costume.’" Then Haken, one of the oldest DC Daily readers joined in, "Oooh, Oooh, I got one! How ’bout: ‘As flat as a pancake withoot vanilla extract…or ‘as flat as a leftover Star Tavern pie.’"Cordero6_1

      We’d started building. The pyramid just kept growing…

"As flat as the income tax Steve Forbes championed in his 1996 and 2000 U.S. Presidential campaigns," -EdwardCordero16_1

"Brim of his cap flat as the blade of the Li Mu Bai’s "Green Destiny" sword, which was forged, ‘before the Chin era, engraved with a technique lost by the time of the Han Dynasty.’" -Edward

"Flat as a cartoon character’s face after taking a frying pan to the mug," -Edward

“Flat as typed sarcasm,” -ScoutCordero21_1

"Flat as the bottom of whale poop," -StanL.(ed.note-Go ahead Google it!)

"Flat as Jack Ruby’s pulse," -Haken

"Cordero’s brim flat as, "When the evening is spread out against the sky. Like a patient etherised upon a table," -EdwardCordero23_4

"Flat at the ratings ABC got for Twin Peaks in the season after forcing David Lynch to reveal the identity of Laura Palmer’s killer." -Edward

"As flat as the soda Grandma’s been saving in the fridge for a year because she thinks it’s your favorite, " -Edward

"As flat as Anna Nicole Smith’s, er, wrong blog, sorry," StanL.

"The brim is flat as the soda I bought in the sixth inning and have had sitting in the sun for two hours since," -Edward

"Flat as the old world imagined the earth to be," -EdwardCordero34_1

"Brim as flat as the pride of less well-known climatologists whose work will win Al Gore an Oscar,"-Edward 

"Flat as the reception the DC faithful bestowed on the Giants left fielder, " -Edward

"Flat as the sound of a man with fallen arches running barefoot along a paved street, "-Edward

"Brim flat as I am happy that soriANO! stayed," -Edward

"Flat as the hydrocarbon lakes Cassini found on Titan," -Edward

"Flat as a Venutian burrito," -Scout

"…flat as a pharmacy eggcream left on the counter overnight?" -StanL.Cordero15_1

"Flat as the line on a graph showing average yearly San Diego temperatures," -Edward

"Flat as the hopes of all Joe Lieberman’s supporters after a one-issue candidate sent him spiraling from the Democratic party with a Democratic primary vote win…" -Edward

"Flat as the long swath of country meadow grass in the outfield of the Gray’s old home at Forbes Field, Pittsburgh, PA…" -Edward

"As flat as, “A penny left on the train tracks,”-Scout

"Flat as the tone of the Liberty Bell after it cracked the first time it was rung,"  -EdwardCordero37_2

Thanks to Chad Cordero’s brim for the inspiration. That’s the top of the pyramid. Thanks for reading.

Nationals still 54-73.




  1. natshater@hotmail.com

    —so who’s the capstone of your ‘comedy pyramid’. don’t you wish that c.c.’s pitching had been the inspiration rather than his attire. 54-73.
    skip: …what’s our record larry ?

    larry: we’re eight and sixteen.

    skip: eight and sixteen. …..how’d we ever win eight ?

  2. stanlawthers@aol.com

    The blog has undergone as many changes as the Nats this year…truly a work in progress. The artistic way that you blend baseball, old world logic, movies, intrapersonal relationships and big egos is a testament to your writing skills. B U T, the Nats are still as flat as a book of lesson plans the day after school is over.

  3. stanlawthers@aol.com

    Don’t get me wrong, I love Chad (when my meds are working). How much longer do we have to wait until you use “dipthong” in a post?

  4. Haken

    Mmmm.Star Tavern pie. Who are the Nats playing tonight? Do I hear Tavern calling?

    Headlines on the main page. You should make the front page of the Washington Post with your “witty, chinless” humor.

    “Keep up the re-ups.”

    – Stringer Bell

    Fezzy for Prezzy

  5. Edward

    “How’d we ever win eight?” Best line of the movie.

    Cordero’s pitching has not been the problem, getting him chances for saves on a regular basis has been the problem. It might be a good thing for my sake. How many flat as analogies could I have come up with.

    Thanks for the “encouragement” StanL. and for one more analogy.

    What is “old world logic?” the earth being flat?

    Do you want opening, closing, or centering dipthongs?

    Nats/Braves in Atlanta and miraculously on TBS tonight.

    I may have “witty chinless” humor like Norton, Haken, but you have that superior Euro-wit.

    “Ayo, lesson here, Bey. You come at the king, you best not miss.” -Omar

  6. Edward

    Thanks Mark. The flat brim is catching on, check out Anthony Reyes MLB pic when he was up for St Louis. It’s a trend. -edward

  7. Haken

    Catching on. You should be the blogger of the week!

    Aw nuts! You’re no pop-star.

    Stanla, you’re such a ****-up. Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes? Huh? Now you realize the potential! Where have you been?

    “You realize the sun doesn’t go down…

    It’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round”

  8. Edward

    I don’t know what “tars” are. (ooh typing diss).

    “We might blow up but we won’t go POP!”

    Leave StanL. alone.

    “Do you realize…that everyone, you know, someday, will die…and instead of saying all of your goodbye’s let them know you realize…

    If you redact yourself, Haken, it’s less work for me. Thanks for reading everyone, that was our sun shining on dog’s bum minute.

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